Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
