Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
