did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Someone shit on the floor
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
