Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
