you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
