im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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