for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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