Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
