the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
