You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
