It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
