Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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