my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
