Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
People in love make me want to vomit
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
worst night to have a conscience
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
