At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
