Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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