hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
