Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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