enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
