It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
