C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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