You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
