So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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