I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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