this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
