how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
