What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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