Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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