At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Randomize
