Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
