i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
