"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
