dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
