I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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