i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
