just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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