It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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