We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
