If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
