I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
