they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
