i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
