Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
