Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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