Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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