you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
