Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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