chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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