this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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