My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize