before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
