Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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