my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize