pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
