you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
