i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
