Well douche your snatch and let's go!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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