you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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