theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
50% drunk capacity currently
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
where are my eyebrows?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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