pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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