did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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