if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
