Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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