I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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