I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize