I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i dont even know how to be here
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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