who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I smell like Dick and happiness
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
