You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
