His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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