...so i touched it.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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