She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just google imaged poop.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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