the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
