She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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