this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Randomize
